Fallen of the wagon

Fallen of the wagon

Isn’t that what they call it? I’ve fallen of so many times already I’ve must of hit my head really hard, cause I seem to forget all the bad feelings and self pity that comes with it.

First of all, I have been doing really good for some months now. Lost weight and feeling good about myself. So… guess that’s a win-win!

Last week was my birthday, and we celebrated it the weekend before with friends and a bbq on Saturday. And on Sunday we had some more people coming over for some pie and coffee. Now having a bbq and some pie doesn’t make you fall of the wagon, but it’s all the little things that accompanies it like wine, beer, crisps, nuts, cheese bites, etc… and the fact that we didn’t touch those things for months made us look like a addict getting back to his drug.

Now also the fact that we bought way to much food for the 2 days was a bad sign. Not only that, but people actually gave me like a birthday box with wine, crisps, nuts and such as a gift. Which was really nice of them, but together with the leftover food we knew we were gonna problems later on.

So the last 2 weeks we have been eating junk food on a regular base. We have had our normal dinners and lunches, so we are back on that. But once we are in the sofa, we bring out the junk food – and that’s because we have it. So we are trying now to get rid of it as soon as possible, so that we can get back on track.

And yes, we could also throw all the bad food out. But sorry, I can’t make that decision. And yes, I know that I sabotage myself because I can’t either throw it out or give it to others. I know that… and it makes it also obvious that I still have a long way to go.

The fact that I was worried in advance about the birthday weekend said it all. I will have to get over the guilty feelings and the regret.

But we are being positive! And I know that I can get back on track! And I will get back!

Week #1

Week #1

We are back.
Needed time to get some things in perspective, and found out what I want in life and how to get there.

Since this week we have started with portion control, no sweets, no chocolate, no crisps, no alcohol…

Honestly, some days were more difficult than others. The biggest problem for me was in the evening sitting on the sofa watching tv and no nuts, crisps, chocolate were allowed.

We are such habit creatures, and itโ€™s difficult to get into a new way of life. But we will get there. ๐Ÿ™‚

Hugzzz, Steven x

I need a reboot!

I need a reboot!

Guess what… I gained weight.

Not a surprise if I see what I have been eating the last few weeks. Really haven’t been eating as healthy as I should, and the snacking monster took over!

I really need to have a reboot and kick my own ass into gear. Stop the excuses, stop the self pitying and get going!

So… I’m doing this.


Taking it slow

Taking it slow

I can’t really complain this week.

Have been on my cross trainer twice this week, only for about 30 min every time. But better that then nothing.

Also did some portion control this week, and tried to eat less and only one plate. And for lunch at work I went for small things like a yoghurt which is basically what I also have the morning for breakfast.

I don’t feel hungry after I’ve eaten, but I do seem to still grab for sugar once I’m in front of the tv…

So yeah, I can’t say I’ve done bad.

Weekend out

Weekend out

Had a lovely weekend with the hubby.

We went to France to meet up with some friends I hadn’t seen in a long time, and they have never met Nathan yet either – so it was kind of “weird” at the start but a good “weird”.

We met in Lille and went for a walk trough town, checking out the stores and such. It was really nice, but it was raining and felt cold, which was a shame.

When we came home we we’re both exhausted. Not that we walked so much, just the weather and the travelling took a lot of energy.

We went for the easy solution and got some takeaway, we crashed in the sofa and didn’t come out anymore till it was time for bed.

Sunday was a relaxing day. No rush, no tasks, just enjoying the last day of the weekend. Did some gaming together and watched a movie.

Ps: picture was not taken by me… completely forgot to take pictures that day.

Social life

Social life

It’s not like I hide and don’t want any social contacts, cause in all honesty I am a social kind of guy if the anxiety doesn’t kick in.

But it’s not the first time that I talk to people or even connect with them, but that I don’t feel like putting more effort in only cause I know that I can’t take the pressure and responsibility of being a good friend.

People don’t always understand that and automatically in their eyes you become a cunt, antisocial dick, a player even.

And when you wanna explain they don’t listen, cause changes are they have been hurt in the past and feel like this is that same moment over again.

Life can be hard sometimes.

Stopped working full time.

Stopped working full time.

Since a few weeks I don’t work full time anymore. I made that decision for myself cause I could feel the rope round my neck getting tighter. I couldn’t cope anymore, had no energy and I wasn’t in a good mood.

Things have been hectic since October when my mom became single cause the prick she was seeing for more then 20 years – apparently was having an affair for 2 years already. Never liked the guy, couldn’t stand him – he was also the reason I ran away from home at 19.

Taking care of my mom upon the normal stuff I already had to deal with was becoming to much for me. So therefore the decision to take it slow and stop working full time.

Which means I have Monday’s all for myself. And I love them! I don’t need to feel guilty if I feel like staying in my boxers and watch soap series all day long.

This is my medication, and I made this choice.

Fab weekend in Holland!

Fab weekend in Holland!

For the Valentine weekend we rented out a vacation cottage on the coast in Holland. It came at the perfect time, we both needed some time for ourselves, and so we did take that time to enjoy the surroundings, the beach and just generally being together and enjoying each others company.

We went for a long walk, some lunch on the beach, a game of mini golf, pizza delivery @ the vacation park and loads of cuddling up together.



Although I lost a very dear beloved person on this day 2 years ago, I still try to celebrate the day of love. Not that we go overboard and that we don’t celebrate our love any other day of the year.

And yes – it’s a commercial thing, business, super markets, stores, all the big brands – they all have joined in by advertising Valentines as THE day of showing your love for a significant other. And honestly, I do but my husband a gift on that day… although I know it’s a day like any other day.

But we don’t have to be holier than the pope do we? I’m sure lots of you out there buy your loved ones a gift on Valentines. And that doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t do anything for them the other 355 days of the year!

This morning I came out of the shower and there was a gift bag on the kitchen counter, which I totally ignored the first time I walked by. Once I noticed it and I saw the smile on the hubby his face, I knew it was for me. Some lovely chocolates and a fresh bottle of fragrance of the same type I have been wearing for a while now, but it’s as good as finished now.

It’s these little things that make us feel good, no? Makes me feel good, I know that much.

So… what did you get?

What’s your view on Valentine?

Weight update

Weight update

In my previous post I talked about having a weigh in. Think it’s time to be open about it, and post it here – what’s the point otherwise. If I’m not gonna be honest then this doesn’t make sense…

I have come a long way already. But still some work to do before I reach my goal. The goal being 99kg, getting rid of those three digits… it’s been a harsh road so far.

I know some of you think “omg those 6 kg, if I need to I can loose 1O in a week, I’ll just breathe air and drink some moist”.

I hear ya out there. But not everyone is so lucky when it comes to loosing weight. And besides I wanna get rid of it this time, don’t want to put it back on after 4 weeks. As I said, it’s been a long way so far. And I’ll get there at some point on my own tempo.